SWAZILAND WAS RAINING PROFESSORS, RECENTLY

It was raining professors or better still, it was a deluge at the University of Swaziland. As I flew in the midst of egg heads, I noticed the cloud overhang with chances of a few showers (that is me thinking aloud, not a meteorologist, as you would have imagined). The cloud cover would not break as we drove through captivating scenery with gentle-rolling hills, nature-manicured lawns, man-made and well-maintained roads snaking up and down the mountain ranges. I could almost kick myself; why didn’t I know this place when I was getting married donkey years ago. It would have been my first choice for a romantic get away. What a way to start a life-long journey together viewing the mountains, exploring the virgin forest and taking and breathing in, deeply, the traditional ways. But that is a story for another day.
The welome party was at the go as we cleared Customs at the small and compact Swazi Airport; I must remind myself to wake up leisurely on departure day, have a sumptous breakfast and stroll to the Airport one hour to the flight. Afterall, it is not the commotion and complexity of Lagos, Johanneburg or Nairobi airports; where one hour to departure is a sure guarantee that the flight will leave without you. Now the thunder and lighting that accompanies a West African deluge takes centre stage and is to be taken seriously; not empty threats of the Botswana fire and brimstone that passes away with out rain.
The University of Swaziland staff separated luggage into one Kombi (mini-bus) and the visitors into another. To many on this train, I mean mini-bus, this was their umpteenth goings and comings and yours sincerely was just coming for the first time. The novelty of it all inspired this blog (for the records, of course, so you know). Everyone was addressed as “Professor” and the flood, keep in mind the deluge that we kicked off with but you don’t have to suspend disbelief (it is not that complicated) were herded off to Ezulwini Sun Hotel and Resorts, where else but in Ezulwini (what did you expect?). As we checked in, Heads of Deaprtments and other officials started arriving (forget that Saturday is officially a rest day) with graded scripts for the external examiners (who all happened to be professors!) and thus officially kicked off the University of Swaziland annual external examination ritual from Monday May 30th to Friday June 2nd, 2011 or thereabout.
By the afternoon, another rain of more professors and we (I will drint to that) had, officially, taken over the Hotel. How to know this? You just needed to listen to the conversations. It went something like:
“Prof, when I was here last year, this and that was the case”
“Prof, where are you based now? I learnt you left University of Botswana ...”(mum is the word, here)
“Prof, I’d like you to meet, Prof. ...”
“Prof, are you off to town...”
Even the receptionist got into the show. she rang me up, “Prof Akpabio (very professional, did I mention “very professional”?), there is someone at the reception for you”. It turned out to be the Head of Department of Journalism and Mass Communication, bringing more work! How exciting.
Even the Customs and Immigration officers knew their clients were different, I believe the University must have given them a crash induction course as they addressed everyone who moved as “Prof”. Just to be sure, some of the faces, I saw at the airport were not at the hotel and couldn’t possibly have been one of us.
If only the money that academics are paid was commensurate with the respect, acclaim and respect of being a professor, I would have gone on my second honeymoon to Swaziland, of course. Now, wait a minute; did we have a first honeymoon? But as it is, the best I can do is work hard, pray hard for a consultancy so that next year when the University of Swaziland sends me a ticket, I can take my loving wife along for the ride. And as in Germany, where the wife of a PhD holder has a title befitting her remarkable (bold and italics, sometimes Google blogger neglects this, just in case it did again) choice, she can drink in the title (she does not need to exhale, gives more lasting effect, you see) from the University, hotel, customs and Immigration, airlines staff etc. What a honeymoon to remember! What a honeymoon to remember!!
Back to the exercise though; being able to muster so many eggs heads into one space is indeed a remarkable achievement for the University. Mark my words: the institution and country will go places. And I don’t just mean up the ubiquitous mountains that dot the entire country!